Three Births, Three Gates of Initiation

Ocean artwork by Sarva Blackwell

My 3 beautiful children shaped me in 3 irrevocable ways at their births—and I can never be the same again.

There are moments in life that mark us forever—thresholds or gates of initiation.

On one side, we are one way. An experience occurs, and on the other side, we are changed.

There is no returning.

In Ayurveda, a 5,000-year-old system rooted in reverence for nature and life, the birth of a child is also seen as the birth of a mother—a sacred gate of transformation.

I never could have predicted how each of my children's births would change me. These are not knowings that come through logic, but truths that unfold in the living.

1. My first baby taught me: I AM A LEADER.

Her birth unearthed a boldness I never knew I carried. I would not have found the courage to create Inner Sun & Moon’s Ayurvedic Postpartum Doula Training without becoming her mother.

2. My second baby taught me: PAIN CAN TRANSMUTE INTO IMMENSE BEAUTY.

He showed me that life doesn’t always have to be a struggle. Before him, I only knew hard work. He embodied ease. He reminded me that softness is a teacher too.

3. My third baby taught me: NO PATH IS SUPERIOR TO ANOTHER.

He cracked me open in ways I didn’t know were possible. I thought I had already passed through all the gates. I didn’t know there was one more—a monumental one.

He revealed to me my deepest priorities, made it impossible to ignore what truly matters.

He taught me that life is messy—and that’s okay. Compassion and kindness make the mess beautiful.

Each birth was an initiation that shattered and remade me. Each one transformed my inner world—and my outer life inevitably had to rearrange itself to match.

That’s the essence of initiation.

You cannot go back.

And so the tender work begins:

How do I return to my life with these new eyes, this new heart?

How do I honor who I’ve become… while gently mourning the one I used to be?